Amanda’s Story

Hi.  I’m a 22 year old college student from Pennsylvania.  During my life, I’ve learned that each person has a unique web of experiences that shapes his or her life.  More often than not, that web contains some very common threads.  You may recognize some of mine.

Growing up, I couldn’t understand why I was born without a right hand.  I thought I was being punished for something that I didn’t do.  I became angry and bitter at everything and everyone.  Sure, I received good grades and pretended to “play well with others.”  But I really didn’t care inside.  My best friend ditched me in middle school, because I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with.  I remember sitting at an empty lunch table one day and someone asked me why I was alone.  I replied, “I’m not alone.  I’m surrounded by all my friends.”  I truly meant it. 

When I became suicidal in high school, I knew that I had to ask for help.  I told my parents that I was depressed and that I couldn’t sleep.  They informed me that I was going through a phase and that I needed to grow up.  I convinced my mother to take me to the doctor in hope that I would at least get some sleeping pills.  My doctor laughed at me.  Apparently, early teens in the 1990s never got depressed.  My last hope was finding a teacher at high school that I trusted and was willing to listen.

Luckily, I found that teacher.  I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him in person so we started sending emails.  He didn’t always say the right things to me, but he was always willing to listen.  It meant a lot to know that at least one person was on my side.  I know that he was involved with the school’s Fellowship of Christian Athletes, so I started asking him questions about God.  I really wanted to know why if there was a God that He hated me so much to make me an amputee.  The teacher gave me a book to read by Joshua McDowell called “Evidence the Demands a Verdict.”  When I finished the book, I realized that I couldn’t argue with the information it presented.  It just got me more curious.

Over the next four years, I struggled with my emotions and how I felt about God.  It took me a long time to realize that Jesus Christ died for me and that I wasn’t being punished.  In John 9:3, Jesus explains to His disciples why some people are given disabilities.  It reads:  “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”  The peace that I received from hearing that verse cannot be described in words.  After I trusted Christ as my Savior, all of my problems didn’t magically go away.  But through reading His Word and trusting His guidance, I have slowly been able to tear down the wall around my heart. 

Today, I look at my life in a whole new way.  I know that people watch me because of my disability.  I want them to see a person who leads by example and stands up for what’s right.  I may be the only person they’ve meet who is an amputee.  The impression I leave them may influence how they treat other people with disabilities in the future. 

This has not been an easy journey to get here, but I know that my experiences along my journey have shaped me into a better person.  If you think you have a problem, ask for help.  If the first person won’t help you, find someone else.  There are people out there who do care about you whether you know them yet or not.  The most important thing is that you keep asking!

Blessings,
Amanda

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